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How I See It: Good > Bad

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IvanaI thought life was going to be so easy. I thought I had it all figured out. Get a job, get married, have a family, and die happy. Life’s journey sure has crushed that simple concept.

I am 27 years old and have experienced more than I ever asked for – good and bad. Most people couldn’t even fathom what I have gone through. I have watched my entire world collapse before my eyes with no power to stop it. I have seen everything turn into darkness. I have had my heart ripped open and every existence lost into infinite.

I have learned to cross too many lines drawn in front of me. I have fallen headfirst; I have felt the edge of the world on my bare feet.

These eyes have seen too much, these ears have heard much more. My heart has grown stronger, my mind smarter. All the times I have fallen on my knees, all the times I have begged, I thought life might never be worth it all.

I have had plenty of good days. Days where I am so thankful to be alive, where I find at least one thing to make me smile. Days that make me forget all the bad and only focus on the good. When I am surrounded by love and reminded of it.

This is life we are talking about though. And it wouldn’t be life without a few bad days too right? We all have them. To you it might mean a bad day at work or a negative energy you can’t seem to get away from. The older I get, the more my bad days start to multiply. I’ve always known it was going to be this way. I have known for so long that this was the hand I was given.

Sometimes I feel completely and utterly defeated. I can’t hold the cards I’ve been given. I don’t want to look at them and I don’t want to have them.

I feel like sometimes I am fighting for a life I know I am not meant to have.

All I can do is hope that the bad days pass and that I never lose the good days. As long as I have them, I will continue to go on.

Who I am now is someone I am so proud to be. I thought the world would tear away at me, I thought evil and madness would suffocate me. But it hasn’t.

So when you feel like you cannot hang on any more please remember these words:

There is light. There is always light. And it is much stronger than darkness. In every way possible.

 

 ________________

 Ivana was born in Sanski Most, Bosnia & Herzegovina but moved to Canada at the age of 3. She was diagnosed with LGMD a few years ago and it has forever changed her life.  She is a regular contributor and her blogs will be everything she has learned along the way and what she continues to learn today.

Read Ivana’s personal blog at: www.loveivana.com

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One Response

  1. Well written, but much too deep for this old mind and body.
    I must complete my story re my experiences with Beckers MD and stem cell treatments- very successful in my eyes.
    I am almost 71, still walkng (although somewhat slowly),still working on my race cars and I have BMD. How is this possible? I attribute it to my personal stubbornness and my stem cell treatments.My motto-”It my slow me down but won’t stop me”. Keep your spirits up.
    Gerald Elliott

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